ANGLICAN leaders have explained that having a “good disagreement” over sexuality is not, after all, disagreeing politely and amicably as many thought.

“No, when we say good disagreement – we mean exactly that,” said a spokesperson for the Archbishop of Canterbury, Rev Polly Amory. “Who wants to sit around being nice to others? A good disagreement means lots of people shouting at each other as loudly as possible in the hope that everyone else will see how clever and reasonable and correct their arguments are. That’s not only good disagreement – that’s a great disagreement!”

Rev Polly Amory

The spokesperson was spokesing away, as they tend to, after the release of a new report into human sexuality entitled, “Marriage is great – but then again, so are lots of other things too (possibly).”

Spokesrepresentatives for the different Anglican evangelical groups were quick to join in with the new way of seeing “good disagreement”.

“We can’t be bothered to actually sit down and talk with anyone else in person,” said one leading evangelical, “don’t you realise we have sermon preparation to do? But all those other evangelical groups, they’re wrong. And we intend to keep blogging and posting about it until they realise that we are the soundest game in town!”

A spokesman for some group or other models righteous anger for everyone else to learn from

Shortly afterwards a representative of another group blogged: “Faith, hope and love – what a shame all the other evangelicals don’t have any.”

Another group, which probably split off from one of the others some time ago, said in a press release: “We welcome the opportunities this report gives us to prayerfully shout at everyone else, thus demonstrating our immense exegetical superiority, not to mention our humility.”

Yet a third group said in a statement: “We’ve always opposed the shared conversations. That’s because we believe shouted conversations are better – preferably with other evangelicals. If only everyone else could see things as clearly as we do.”

Meanwhile, liberal groups also modelled “good disagreement” by denouncing everyone else – bishops, evangelicals, catholics, vegetarians, joggers  and Seventh Day Adventists – as none of them would give them what they wanted.

The Bishop of Middlewich

The Bishop of Middlewich, who is probably called Graham something-or-other, said: “We’ve had two years of a very careful listening process. Now we move on to the next part, which is far more fun – the shouting process.”

The Archbishop of Canterbury was last seen wandering down the street in his pyjamas sticking his hands in his ears and singing “Shine Jesus shine” very loudly.